I can do this.

"I CAN DO THIS!" she wanted to shout.  She wanted to shout to the world.  She wanted everyone to know.  She wanted someone to know about this epiphany that had struck her across the face.  She wanted them to know.  She wanted them to rejoice with her.

But she was in a library and didn't think that shouting would be a good idea.

If only everyone listened to Cat Stevens.

If you want to sing out, sing out.
If you want to be free, be free.
Cause there are a million ways to be
You know that there are.

Yes you know that there are.

Sadly, if you sing out, you get some pretty annoyed looks.

Helsinki

I want to go.

I figured it out

I'm like a varsity athlete that never found the right sport.

Hurt

You can have it all,
my empire of dirt,
but I will let you down.

I will make you hurt.

Love me, because love doesn't exist, and I have tried everything that does.

Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I am not living.
-Jonathan Safran Foer

Mr. Foer is one of my new favorite people. I have read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and am almost through with Everything is Illuminated. His novels are like nothing I have ever read before. Each novel is closer to an art experiment than anything that resembles literature. His novels are sad, humorous, and incredibly profound. He most reminds me of Dave Eggers' Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. Both books center around love but not the normal Nora Roberts love. No, something much more deep than that. They even ask whether love really exists and about its nature. I have thoroughly enjoyed his books. He needs to write another one!

Graduation

I am so scared. I didn't think I would be. I wasn't until yesterday or so. Tomorrow really begins the rest of my life. I will be an adult. I will never again live in my parents' house for an extended period of time. My group of friends.. Well, it will be gone in a year or two. There are people whom I have seen frequently for 18 years whom I will never see again. That is scary. So scary.

We as humans long for predictability and consistency. Consistency can be depressing but it is also comfortable. We long to know what lies around the corner.

Well right now, I don't know. I just don't know. I'm glad to be at this transition. And I'm glad that I have chosen to make this a drastic transition. I know that someday I will be a better woman for it. I am so excited about my life. I know that it will never be boring or unexciting. I like the person I am becoming. But life is just going to keep going. No matter what I do, its going to keep going. Not fast or slow. Just the way it is. It's scary.

Muss es sein? Es muss sein. Es muss sein.

A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.

Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being