The insomnia came back. Last night, I lay. I stroked the cat. Moved the pillow. Did math with the numbers on my alarm clock. I thought. I worried. I stressed. Then I drifted off.
Earlier yesterday I had a fight. I guess I kept those feelings bottled up. I guess they were worse than I originally thought. The same event occurred in my dream, except it was more extreme. I woke up wondering what had actually happened. I wondered if I had actually cursed him out or not. I was so confused. I am still not sure what happened yesterday and what happened in some alternate universe contained within my brain.
I woke up at five, unable to fall back asleep. So I went on hulu and became addicted to steep and cheap.
Then I went to school, where I continued to worry. I avoided several people. I gave up. Long ago.
Everyone I know is either frustrated by, disappointed in, annoyed with, tired of, or indifferent to me. I just need to finish. That is all I need to do. Will I continue to let people down? Yes. I just can't do it anymore. I can't please everyone, so I have decided to not please anyone.
I said the other day that I was disillusioned. I guess that is the right way to say it.
Oh and I have a fever again. Off and on for multiple months. I don't know what is going on.
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