Passion

I want to be passionate about something instead of being passionate against many things.

Predetermination

I understand.  I have stopped criticizing myself for things, for the way I live my life.  I understand now.

Every moment is the result of every preceding moment.  We do not really have any decisions, any choices.  What will happen, will happen.  Every moment is predetermined.  It is the sum of all the preceding moments.  There is only one thing that I could be doing right now, and it is what I am doing, sitting in the McGill library typing a philosophical journal entry.  It is ingrained in my DNA, in my environment.  We can’t hold things against others, because what happens just happens.  We can't hold things against ourselves, because what happens just happens.

I have to accept the mistakes that I will make tomorrow, because they are inevitable.  They will lead to successes farther on down the line and more mistakes.  I will become the person I will become, and there is nothing I can do about it.  If I work harder, which I will, it will be the result of all of these moments.

Ha maybe I’ll be a Calvinist someday.

Now is the Past

and suddenly she was terrified of life again.

she mourned the past
the future,
that will be the past
so soon
tomorrow
today
this second

those people
whom she worked to grow with
to develop
will be irrelevant
forgotten

except for facebook
and it is there
only to remind her
so she can find them
stalk them
if she wants
if she thinks that it will make her feel better
to be reminded of their name.


i don't pretend to be a writer.

Where are the ships?

Such a good talker, an enthusiastic projector, beaming out. Three days a week, without fail. Her short hipster hair bounces with all her shits and giggles. Those around her are inspired. They attempt to beam back with such strength, but they are out-shined. She is a lighthouse: flash, flash, only emitting. We are all lighthouses. We flash and flash, trying to call out, only showing, never knowing, never trying to find out. The most beautiful lighthouses are those who shine brightest. A lighthouse shines and shines and never sees. We are those who talk and never listen. We all want to be Cape Hatteras, shiny, tall, and striped. We want the world to know our light. But if we are all lighthouses, where are the ships?

I don't pretend to be a writer.